The 2018 Totally Random AFL Finals

Last year my Tigers won the whole thing in the real world, but in the Totally Random 2017 AFL finals, they were blown away twice to tumble out.  What will happen this year?  Yes Australia it’s time.  It is time for the 2018 Totally Random AFL finals.  The results are completely random.  Form, schedule, and venue play no part in the predictions.  This is completely random, and the tournament is played only once.  This means the winner has truly fought through all the randomness to emerge as the Random Grand Final winner.

Round 1

In round 1 top qualifier Richmond play fourth place Hawthorn for the first time in a final in AFL history.  This is truly amazing given the success of both clubs.  Having said that, their success only kind of overlapped in the 1970’s so perhaps this isn’t surprising.  In a brutal defensive struggle on what I’ll say is a cold, wet, and windy Thursday night, the Tigers pay for their cruise control attitude going into the finals and fall 57-40 to the in form Hawks.  Tigers fans are bitterly disappointed while Hawks fans believe yet another premiership is theirs for the taking.

In what can only be described as an instant classic, the Demons, who appear in the finals for the first time in 12 years, defeat the Cats by 31 points in one of the highest scoring games in AFL finals history 164-133.  Wow that was breathtaking. 

On Saturday afternoon the Giants play the Swans.  The Giants limped into the finals and fell from the top four with two bad losses to end the season.  But if they have to play a road final, it might as well be against Sydney.  The Giants are getting people back from injury but so are the Swans.  The two teams are jealous of Melbourne and Geelong and want to show the world they can score just as much.  And in this case, the Swans prevail by 31 points as well 165-134.  Yes folks, this is completely random.  There is no way this game even comes close to this score in the real world.

Magpie fans wanted Buckley gone last year.  Now they think he is a hero as a truly injury ravaged Collingwood places third on the ladder.  This is really an amazing accomplishment for the club.  Their reward, however, is a trip to Perth where they play the up and down Eagles.  On this Saturday night, the Eagles are flying high with a 96-56 victory over the Magpies.

Round 2

Round 2 sees Collingwood and Richmond licking their wounds.  They get their double chance as a reward for finishing in the top four.  Will they be able to take advantage of it?  Melbourne have a lot of self belief as they face last year’s premiers the Tigers.  They have been on fire lately and they shatter the Richmond defence for 128 points.  Unfortunately for the Demons, their defence is even worse than Richmond’s as the reigning premiers  fight off a strong Melbourne side 157-128.  Wow, even for the Random tournament, these scores are the highest they have ever been.  Melbourne has gone the longest without a premiership and the wait continues as Richmond, shocked awake by their loss to the Hawks a week earlier, roar once more.

The Magpies also bounce back with an easy 53 point win over Sydney 106-53.  Sydney have been kind of playing above themselves in the latter half of the year but they are at last put out of their misery.  The final four will therefore feature the top 4 just as it did in last year’s real finals.

The Preliminary Finals

The Eagles have had a week’s rest and are at home where they play a Tigers team whose only interstate win was against the pathetic Gold Coast Suns.  The Eagles smashed the Tigers earlier in the season.  Thus Eagles fans can be forgiven for being pretty confident.  But this Richmond side is resilient as they send the home crowd packing with tears in their eyes 119-44.  I doubt anyone saw that 75 point win coming.  The Tigers are back baby!

Meanwhile in Melbourne the Hawks and Magpies play in front of a huge crowd.  Collingwood fans can feel it.  Hawthorn fans can feel it too.  Both sets of fans feel theirs is the team of destiny.  No one thought they had a chance this year and here they are playing for a spot in the Grand Final.  And on this night, it is the Hawks who emerge victorious in another high scoring marathon 168-114.  So we have two blowout preliminary finals.

Grand Final

So here we are again.  The Tigers and Hawks started the finals series and it is the Tigers and the Hawks playing off in the Grand Final.  The media praise the Hawks defensive abilities.  After all, they shut the Tigers down the first time.  Clarkson is a genius.  The Tigers beat the Hawks during the regular season.  The Hawks beat the Tigers in the Totally Random first round.  So which performance is stronger, the real one, or the random one?

This Grand Final is not even close.  From the opening siren the awesome force known as the Richmond Tigers destroy any open the Hawks might have had.  This Grand Final is a 110 point blowout in favor of the Richmond Tigers, this year’s Totally Random Premiers!

It is amazing over the years how often the Totally Random tournament has actually picked the favorite.  Why should this year be any different.  Last year the Tigers one the real thing.  This year they win the Totally Random finals.  Will they go back to back in the real world?  This finals series features some really compelling games.

Go Tigers!!!

 

Totally Random 2018 World Cup

Well it’s 2018 and you know what that means.  It is the Totally Random World Cup.  No merit, form, or statistical analysis is taken into consideration.  This is completely random.  There is one official tournament and this time, we have a champion worthy of total randomness.

The Group Stages

Since there are so many games, I won’t detail them here.  I’ll list the group winners and second place finishers, and perhaps note some highlight games.

Group	First Place	Second Place
A	Uruguay	Egypt
B	Morocco	Iran
C	Denmark	France
D	Nigeria	Argentina
E	Switzerland	Serbia
F	Germany	Mexico
G	Panama	England
H	Poland	Japan

The host nation got off with a horror start going down 3-1 against Saudi Arabia.  Things went from bad to worse for them.  While the Russians were not pleased, Brazil was revoltingly bad and a coup resulted.  Who knows what the new government will be like.  Group B is what randomness is all about.  Who would have thought Morocco and Iran would get in over Spain and Portugal.  Group F, however, went the way the real tournament will probably go.  Group C might also be realistic.  Belgium, however, was extremely disappointing.

The Round of 16

Uruguay advanced to the quarterfinals with an easy 5-0 win over Iran.  Iran doesn’t care though.  They made the World Cup.  The USA did not.  Anything after that is just a bonus.  Denmark had high hopes after making it out of the group stage, but they received a reality check going down 4-0 to Argentina.  Mexico defeated Switzerland 4-1 while Japan took advantage of an easy opponent with a 4-2 win.  So far the round of 16 games haven’t been that exciting.  That changed though when Morocco, continuing their stunning performance as they topped Group B, had a dramatic 4-3 win over surprising Egypt 4-3.  What a thriller!  France scraped by against Nigeria 1-0 and the French felt more relief than anything else.  Once again the Super Eagles disappoint.  Germany had a clinical 2-0 win over Serbia.  England played Poland in the final Round of 16 game.  Do you even need to know what happened?  It was Poland taking out England 3-2 in extra time.  In this case, England advances as far in the random tournament, as they probably will in the real thing.

Quarterfinals

So far we have some shocking teams in the quarterfinals.  Will Cinderella stay at the ball or will she be thrown out?  Uruguay played Argentina in a match which had all of South America interested.  In a spiteful match which saw four red cards and countless yellow ones, it was Argentina who emerged victorious 1-0.  They were forced, however, to contest the semi-finals without two of their starting players due to the red cards.  Mexico got a gift draw in the quarters and although Japan did manage to score 2 goals,  they were never in it going down 5-2 to the Mexicans.  Morocco was the true Cinderella story in this tournament and Cinderella got to stay at the ball when Morocco stunned France 3-2.  Both sides spoke the same language so all insults were understood by everyone except the referee.  But there was no denying that Morocco is on a random roll.  After Poland defeated England, they were expected to relax and allow Germany an easy passage into the semi-finals.  But Poland had other ideas.  They stunned the Germans 2-0 leaving Argentina as the only real brand name team in the semi-finals.

The Semi finals

Argentina and Mexico was the most anticipated match as the world lamented the fact no one really cares about neither Morocco or Poland, except for Morocco and Poland of course.  Spain threatened to blockade Morocco if they had the audacity to advance into the finals.  Spain put this down to economic concerns but everyone knew they were just jealous of Morocco’s success so far.

Argentina played with two starters out after they were sent off against Uruguay.  And it showed.  The high flying Mexicans were unstoppable as they shocked the world with a 5-3 win to advance into the finals.

And the Spanish blockade is on as Morocco advanced with what turned out to be an exciting 3-2 win over a gallant Poland.  And so, we have Mexico playing Morocco in the Totally Random World Cup.

The 3^rd Place Game

Who cares?  Only FIFA cares.  Even the players for Poland and Argentina could care less.  In front of 23 people, Argentina waited until extra time before scoring the only goal of the match.  Argentina wins 3^rd with a very boring 1-0 win.  Fortunately, only the 23 people in the stadium, and the 67 other people who actually watched the match on TV sat through it.

The Final

The final, however, is always the most watched TV program on earth.  It makes the Super Bowl audience numbers look like a country under 18 football match.  Both teams represented themselves as Cinderella.  Could Mexico finally achieve football happiness after all their abject failures?  Would Morocco continue to stun the world?  Yes they would!  After conceding the first goal, Morocco showed the attacking style and skill that got them to the finals, scoring 3 second half goals to sail into history. 

Morocco are the 2018 World Cup champions.  Donald Trump has promised to help Morocco lift the Spanish blockade as soon as he finds out where Morocco is on the map.  Meantime, the Moroccan people are partying in the streets caring little about the war ships at their border.  Come on Spain, you won the real thing in 2010.  Be gracious and grateful for that, and also for the fact Portugal didn’t get out of the group stages either.

The 2018 totally Random NFL Playoffs

The 2018 Totally Random NFL Playoffs

It’s that time of year again.  It’s time for the Totally Random NFL predictions.  This is exactly what the name implies.  It is completely random.  No other factors are used to determine the winners.  The tournament is run once and the results are final.  So here we go.

Wild Card Weekend

AFC

This year is the year of the upset.  The titans go into Kansas city and blow the Chiefs away 44-26.  Have the Titans scored 44 points all season?  Of course they have, but it seems like they haven’t.  But they do in this random game and put Chiefs fans out of their misery.  Meanwhile Jacksonville is glad to make the playoffs while the bills don’t know what to do since they haven’t been in The Tournament since 1999.  But nobody circles the wagons like the buffalo Bills and circle they do as they eliminate the favored Jaguars 20-16.

NFC

Last year’s real NFC champions Atlanta Falcons find out that a year is a long time in football as they get blown back to the Stone Age 42-10 in LA.  Even though there are probably more Falcons fans in the stands, the Rams prove they are no fluke.  Meanwhile down in New Orleans, the up and down Panthers are up and, third time lucky, they defeat the Saints 20-14.  New Orleans got an unexpectedly good year this year, but it’s all over in wild Card Weekend.

Divisional Round

AFC

After shocking America and most particularly, their own fans, the titans continue their offensive explosion against the Steelers as they shock America once more with a 36-33 upset win in Pittsburgh.  Meanwhile reports of the death of the Patriots are very much exaggerated.  The Patriots scored 37 points against the Bills the last time the played them and they do it again as they cruise to a 37-21 romp.  During the 4^th quarter, the New England fans chant Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy but Jimmy isn’t there anymore.  Still, a win is a win.

NFC

Toward the end of the season, the Eagles celebrated if they made a first down while touchdowns remained a distant dream.  So it came as a shock to the confident Panthers when Philadelphia’s inept offense put 46 on the Carolina D.  Carolina couldn’t keep up, managing only 23 of their own points.  The Rams look like the NFC’s class act as they shred Minnesota’s awesome defence 36-17.  Vikings fans suddenly remember their QB is a backup, and not Tom Brady II. 

Championship Round

It looks like another Patriots Super Bowl but in the totally Random world, anything can happen.  The Titans are on an amazing roll and the amazing roll continues as the suddenly explosive offense smashes the Patriots with a 35-22 upset win.  Reports of the death of the Patriots are true.  This might be the end of the dynasty.  The Titans are in the Super Bowl.

And the titans face the Eagles as the Eagles prove why they are the number one seed with a 31-19 win over the disappointing Rams.  Maybe the Eagles were sand bagging toward the end of the season.  I mean, scoring no points against the Cowboys now appears to be an acting job.

The Big Dance

So we have the Titans and the Eagles in the big one.  Neither has won it before.  And now, Philadelphia has someone other than Rocky Balboa to celebrate.  They have the 2018 totally Random Super Bowl Championship they have craved for so long.  Eagles over titans 30-5.  Vegas goes broke because of the Titans safety because whether there is a safety or not is one of the most bet Super Bowl prop bets.  Eagles cruise.

As a Cowboys fan, I can’t quite bring myself to congratulate the Eagles.  I will only say I’m glad this is only the Totally Random playoffs.

The Totally Random NFL Playoffs

Totally Random NFL Playoffs

The NFL is America’s number one sport by far and it’s playoff time once again.  This time my cowboys enter the tournament with the best record in the NFC at 13-3 so my hopes are high.  But in the totally random universe, anything can and usually does happen.  Despite this I am surprised at how often the totally random program actually ends up picking the favorite as the champion.  This has happened a number of times in a number of sports.  With the Patriots favoured to win it all in the real world, it’s time to see what really matters, the completely random NFL playoffs.

Wild Card Weekend

In the first round called Wild Card Weekend, three out of four road teams win.  The Raiders despite losing their starting quarterback for the year destroy the Texans 31-2 and finally put all NFL fans out of their misery because we don’t have to watch the Texans or even think about them any longer.  It is fitting that the Texans go out with no offensive points.

Meanwhile the Lions score 40 against the supposedly good Seattle defence and prevail 40-26 over the Seahawks.  This is good news for the Cowboys because that means the Cowboys will play the Lions, a team they dominated, instead of the Packers or Giants.  The Dolphins, meanwhile, have surprised everyone all year, including Dolphins fans.  Can they do it again by upsetting the Steelers?  Yes they can stunning Pittsburgh, in Pittsburgh 36-23.

Finally, in the Wild Card Weekend match everyone is waiting for, the Packers are the only home team to win easily disposing of the Giants 30-10. 

Divisional Round

In the AFC the divisional round gives us the Raiders against the Chiefs for the third time in 2016.  We also get another divisional matchup with the Dolphins playing the Patriots also for the third time.  The Chiefs swept the Raiders in 2016 but it is difficult to beat the same team three times in a row.  Not for the chiefs.  The Raiders go down 46-11.  Meanwhile the dolphins have lost to the Patriots twice this year.  Can the Patriots also achieve the difficult task of beating one team three times in a single year?  Of course they can but it’s not the blowout we expected as they roll 24-14.  So we have a matchup no one in the real world is surprised with for the AFC championship between the Chiefs and the Patriots.  Despite the totally random nature of this tournament, the AFC championship game will feature the number one versus the number two seeds.

In the NFC Cowboys fans are nervous because the last time we had home field throughout the playoffs we lost in the first round.  But surely we learned our lesson from 2007.  Sadly, no.  I guess the players and coach are different.  Whereas in 2007, the Tony Romo lead Cowboys went down 21-17 in what was a close game against the ultra-evil New York Giants, this time the Lions blow the star right off the Cowboys helmets in a 41-0 beat down.  How incredibly disappointing this random tournament is.

Meanwhile the Falcons, the number two seed and a lot of people’s pick to represent the NFC also has high hopes.  Sure they are playing the red hot Aaron Rodgers but Atlanta has the red hot Matt Ryan.  Unfortunately for the Falcons, their playoff futility continues as the Packers roll 26-16.  So in the NFC we have the sixth seed Lions playing the fourth seed Packers for a chance the go to the Super Bowl.

Championship Round

As a result of their 41-0 loss to the Lions, Jerry Jones announces that no matter what happens in training camp the following season, tony Romo will be the starting quarterback.  This announcement overshadows pre-game coverage of championship weekend but the games go on anyway and America grows weary of hearing about the quarterback controversy in Dallas.  Cowboys fans are not, though, because they are too busy being convinced by loved ones to come down from the ledge.

The Patriots are held in check by the Chiefs defence but lead 23-18 with 1:27 seconds left.  So far the Chiefs have only managed six field goals.  But they have the ball and in dramatic fashion, they score a touchdown with 17 seconds left to take a 24-23 lead.  The crowd in Foxborough are dispirited and begin to make their way toward the exits.   Yes there are 17 seconds left and Tom Brady is the quarterback, but even he can’t do anything in such a short time.  Sadly for the Chiefs, they still have to kick the extra point and when they do it is blocked and Malcolm Butler, who saved the Patriots in the Super Bowl, returns it all the way for two huge points.  It is now Patriots 25-24 over the Chiefs.  The normally spoiled Patriots crowd who is so used to winning, style points are almost as important as wins, go crazy and the look of utter bewilderment on Andy Reed’s face is worth it.  And so the Patriots are in the Super Bowl. . .again.

All right, I made the game ending up.  My program doesn’t go into that much detail, but a one point game deserves a little more than simply recounting the score.

Meanwhile in the NFC the Lions defence shows up for once, but sadly, their offense, which scored 41 against the Cowboys, does not.  Packers win 18-12.  It’s probably freezing and the frozen tundra is just not kind to a dome team like the Lions. 

The Super Bowl

So after all this randomness, we don’t get a Lions Texans Super Bowl, but we get Patriots Packers.  And that could well be what we get in the real world too.

In a dramatic Super bowl, the Patriots prevail over the Packers 41-38 and most of America groans.  There can be no doubt that Tom Brady is the greatest QB of all time now with five rings to his name.

And there you have it.  The totally random Super Bowl is a very realistic one and the final   score is also something which is very realistic should the Patriots play the Packers in the real Super Bowl.

Has for me, screw this totally random stuff.  41-0 losses to the Lions are not what I want from my Cowboys.  I can only hope they do better in the real world than they did in this year’s Totally Random NFL Playoffs.

Totally Random AFL Finals for 2016

Totally Random Australian Rules Finals

For the last three years my Richmond Tigers have actually been in the AFL finals.  This has been such a strange thing because normally, the Tigers aren’t good enough to be considered pathetic.  The first year of the three we made the finals, the club sent us a schedule which included the finals in September.  But according to the calendar they sent us, September had 31 days and the days of the week didn’t match.  Anyone who follows Richmond knows that September is generally free of Tigers participation.  Since September never factors into our season, it is perfectly understandable the club’s PR department was out of their depth trying to produce a September calendar.  You can plan your holidays in advance knowing the Tigers won’t be playing in the finals and so there won’t be any danger of missing games while you travel overseas.

For the last three years, though, the Tigers have ruined our September holiday plans because they have actually participated.  Granted, their participation only lasted a single game because they were, as we American say, one and done.  This year, the Tigers reverted back to their normal selves and decided not only to free up our September, but to go on holidays themselves.  Actually, the Tigers began their holiday in round 2 and haven’t been back since.

Fortunately, there are eight teams who actually did play well enough to qualify for the finals though North Melbourne are only in because the rest of the competition were too poor to challenge.  Having said this, hats off to the Saints who finished 9^th.  They nearly made it into the eight, but as they are a young team on the rise, they probably finished where they deserved to finish.  If you’re a Saints fan, though, I think there is hope for next year.

This brings us once again to the event all of Australia has been waiting for:  the Totally Random AFL Finals Tournament.  This tournament is completely random.  Skill, hoe field, recent form, recent history, and injuries don’t matter.  It’s totally random.  I designate the time when the tournament starts and that random draw prevails.  Last year, the Totally Random tournament featured a thrilling Grand Final pitting the Tigers against the Bulldogs, with the teams going without a flat since 1980 and 1954 respectively.  Both were knocked out in the first round in the real world.

This year’s random mayhem is just that, mayhem.  So with all that said, here goes.

Round 1

Round one features four blowout games.  The Swans take out Sydney rivals the Giants by 47 points.  The Giants are in the finals for the first time in their history and the occasion is too much for them.  Meanwhile the injury riddled Hawks blow Geelong into the stone age by a score of 153-54.  Wow that’s a shocker.  Don’t worry, both the Giants and Cats get a second chance. 

Meanwhile in the elimination finals, The Crows finally put North Melbourne fans out of their misery by 61 points.  Thank goodness that team is finally out.  Unfortunately (from my viewpoint) the Eagles end the Bulldogs season 146-81. 

This means that the Swans and the Hawks have a bye.  A lot of people are very upset because it looks like the Hawks have a good chance to win their 4^th straight premiership and frankly, that’s just not right.  I’m extremely jealous of the Hawks and the last thing anyone, except Hawks fans, wanted was for them to beat the Cats.

Meanwhile North Melbourne managers are run out of Melbourne for letting a couple of club legends go and the club is brought to its knees financially because of fan revolt.  Well actually, that really could happen.

Round 2

In Round 2 the Crows, who started this thing in 5^th spot, end the Giants Cinderella season 71-61.  Giants fans are disappointed, but since this is their first finals, they are able to handle the disappointment.  Besides, at least the Giants aren’t the Suns, who came in at the same time more or less.  That team is a disaster and it looks like a mass exodus will occur.  So the Giants are much better run and are therefore much better off.

In the round’s only other game the Cats awaken and score 133 points.  Sadly, their defence, which allowed 153 points against the Hawks, is comatose, allowing the Eagles to score 160.  The problem here is the Cats are related to the Tigers and it’s just not a good year for feline teams.  The tigers were dreadful.  The Lions made the Tigers look like world beaters, and now the Cats lose two straight to exit the 2016 season.

Round 3 the Preliminary Finals

Now there are four teams left.  The Swans and Hawks are well rested, having had a week off after the final home and away round, plus another week off after defeating their opponents in the first round.  The Swans players spent too much time at the beach during their time off and are soundly defeated by the rampaging Eagles 154-109.  Meanwhile the Crows and Hawks play a thriller.  In a dramatic game, the Crows finally end the Hawks reign 59-56.  All of Victoria, South Australia, West Australia, Queensland and Sydney rejoice because we’re all sick and tired of the Hawks.  OK, we all want to be the Hawks, but we’re not so we allow our envy to twist us into blind hatred.  As a tigers fan, I just hate everyone, but others just hate the Hawks.  Thank you Crows. 

So we have the Eagles against the Crows for the 2016 totally random Grand Final.  The Grand Final will be played in Melbourne and the city is divided but most are going to go for West Coast because we don’t like Adelaide very much.  Besides, a lot of people talked themselves into betting on the Eagles last year against the Hawks in the real grand final and lost money.  The Eagles owe us. . .ooops, I reveal I was one of those suckers.  But the Eagles lost me money last year so screw you Eagles!  I’m going for the Crows!

The Totally Random Grand Final

And the Crows don’t let me down, defeating the West Coast Eagles by 25 points 95-70.  Adelaide is the only team to ever win the premiership when not finishing in the top 4.  They did this in the real world.  And now their glory is complete.  They have done it in the real tournament that matters.  Congratulations Adelaide Crows.  You are the pride of south Australia and you nailed the Hawks for us so thank you, thank you, thank you.

Totally Random Euro 2016

Euro2016 is about to descend upon us.  Next to the World Cup, it is the most prestigious international football tournament there is.  Of course the mighty USA could take out any of these teams but the USA will have to be content with winning the Copa America instead.  And now that it is apparent I am indulging in fantasy, it’s that time again for the totally random tournament.  The results are completely random.  Neither the merits of the teams, nor home field advantage, nor recent form has anything to do with this tournament.  It’s completely random.  So here we go.

In the group stages, both France and Germany finish last.  So they are out.  And things started so well for France with a 2-0 win over Romania.  But the French campaign goes to the chiens after that.  A shock 3-0 loss to Albania followed by a 5-2 capitulation to Switzerland and the host nation bids au revoir to the tournament.  Too bad too because this is who I’m going for, along with Iceland.

Germany’s campaign is not worth mentioning.  England disappoints but they manage to scrape through as one of the surviving third place teams.  I fear the English are in for a hard crash landing as usual.

Round of 16

Albania takes down the Ukraine in a penalty shootout which follows a 1-1 score line.  The Czech Republic knock surprising Hungary out 2-1.  After playing to a 3-3 tie, Switzerland downs Slovakia in the most bizarre penalty shootout of all time in which only one penalty goal is scored.  You get things like this in the totally random tournament.  After the game all Slovakian penalty shooters are sacked from the team permanently.  Next, Austria, after powering their way to the top of Group F, blast Italy back to the stone age 5-1.  Italy cuts diplomatic ties with Austria and Europe has yet another crisis to take their minds off the looming British exit.  Unfortunately, this diversion only lasts a short while because after England goes down to Poland 1-0, the British exit seems inevitable.  And indeed, the exit vote overwhelms the stay vote.  Officially, England puts this down to dissatisfaction with the way Brussels runs things.  But the truth is by exiting Europe, England has a better chance of convincing FIFA to allow them to exist in a weaker group, like CONCACAF for example.  Looks like we’ll see England in the next Copa America.  Belgium defeats Croatia 3-1 on penalties, the third round of 16 match that has gone to penalties.  In the 4^th match to go to penalties, Cinderella Romania goes down 4-2 to Sweden.  And finally, Portugal suffers a stunning blowout loss to Russia 5-1.

Quarterfinals

Now that just about all the big names are out, it looks like you might as well throw dice to predict the rest of the tournament.  In a way, that is exactly what we’re doing here except we’ve been throwing dice all along.  There is dancing in the streets in Albania as this team continues its stunning emergence from obscurity to down the Czech Republic in a well-played 5-3 quarterfinal match.  In a not so exciting match, Switzerland power past Austria 5-0.  Austria certainly won’t be back for the semi-finals after their dismal performance.  Belgium takes care of business and does what everyone expects they should do against Poland and wipes them out 4-0.  In the final quarterfinal match, Sweden take down Russia 2-0.  Not much to say about that game.

Semi-finals

I think it’s safe to say we have semi-finals matches that no one predicted.  Except here of course.  In the first match, Switzerland stops the party in Albania with a 5-0 win.  The Albanians are happy to have come this far.  Meanwhile the Swiss government claims if they actually win the tournament, they will end their neutrality.  No one really knows why they will do this but most experts put it down to giddiness at being so close to the impossible dream.  Their opponents?  Belgium.  The Belgian defence which we always knew would be solid blanks Sweden as they cruise to a 5-0 win.

The Final

So here we have it.  The headquarters of European government, minus England of course, and the headquarters of European finance going at it for the ultimate, or second ultimate prize.  The ultimate prize is of course the Copa America win which the USA is celebrating by now.  Yes, the fantasy continues.  So either Belgium or Switzerland will have to settle for being the champions of Europe.  Just as in real life, money runs the world while governments only think they do, Belgium shuts down Switzerland 3-0.  Belgium celebrates as they proclaim themselves the best, while the Swiss continue dominating the world behind the scenes and pulling all the strings. 

After conceding 1 goal in the round of 16, Belgium goes through the rest of the knock-out phase without conceding a single goal.  So congratulations to Belgium, the 2016 Totally Random Champions of Europe.

My real life prediction?  It’s hard to say really.  It’s easy to pick the usual favorites.  I’ll go with the host nation France.  If I have to choose a dark horse, though, I will say the Czech Republic.  The most Cinderella winner though would be mighty Iceland who did really well to qualify.   Let’s hope for a good tournament and for at least one Cinderella to make things exciting.

Totally Random NHL Playoffs

Totally Random NHL Playoffs

Ok Hockey fans, it’s what you’ve all been waiting for all year.  This is my annual Totally Random NHL playoffs.  As is always the case, factors such as merit, talent, home ice, history and team quality have absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the picks here.  Picks are completely random.  Of course, when you pick randomly, you can get different results each time you run the tournament.  The way around this is to have an official tournament and it is run once and only once. 

It is sad that my Bruins executed one of the epic end-of-season fade outs of all time as they completely died and threw away a fairly solid playoff position.  Now they will be watching on TV or, I suppose, sunning themselves on a beach somewhere.  And without Montréal in the playoffs as well, I have no one to truly hate except for the Rangers and Flyers and. . .well you get the idea.  Red Wing fans were resigned to missing the playoffs for the first time in forever.  They had come to terms with it.  What they didn’t count on was the Bruins complete ineptitude down the stretch.  My Bruins finished where I thought they would at the start of the season.  But my hopes and expectations were lifted for the first 2/3 of the season.  Then, splat!  With all that said, let the luckiest team in the random tournament win.

Round 1

In the west the Stars, Blues, Predators and Kings advance.  Yes, the Sharks manage to disappoint yet again.  Between the Sharks and the Capitals, I don’t know who is worse.  It would be great to see a Sharks Capitals final because at least one tortured fan base will be happy while the other will be even more tortured.  But alas for the random tournament, the Sharks bow out early.  The Blues and Blackhawks played a classic 7 game series which came down to a 4-3 game 7 win for the Blues.  Bye-bye Blackhawks. . .finally.

In the East the Capitals survive a little scare to beat the Flyers in six games.  The Penguins, Panthers and Lightning join the Capitals with the Lightning and Penguins requiring seven games to do so.   This was a good round for me because both the hated Rangers and Flyers bit the dust.

Round 2

After sweeping the Wild in the first round, the Stars are themselves swept by the rampaging Blues.  The Kings take out the Predators in six games to bring on a Blues, Kings showdown in the West.

Meanwhile the Capitals have the best record in the NHL.  It doesn’t matter.  The Capitals do what they always do in reality.  They choke going down to the Pens in six.  Meanwhile the Islanders only manage one token win against the Lightning who easily advance to take on the Penguins.

The Semi-final

Just when Blues fans got excited, the Kings did it again.  Yes it’s another great playoff run for them as they down the Blues in five.  The East has a far more exciting series with the Lighting defeating the Penguins 2-1 in Game 7 to advance to the Stanley Cup.

Kings v Lightning for the Cup

The Random Stanley Cup Final is a dud.  Those Kings just cannot be stopped in the playoffs.  They blow the Lightning off both their home ice, and Tampa ice sweeping them 4-0.  Yes, the Kings have done it again, saving their best for the playoffs.  Congratulations to the Los Angeles Kings for winning the Totally Random NHL playoffs.  And the rest of us groan.  Not again, we say.

In the real world, I have picked the Ducks to walk away with the goods this year.  Time will tell.  The NHL playoffs are always exciting and the closest thing in American sports to a random tournament.  You never know.  That’s what makes them