Totally Random 2018 World Cup

Well it’s 2018 and you know what that means.  It is the Totally Random World Cup.  No merit, form, or statistical analysis is taken into consideration.  This is completely random.  There is one official tournament and this time, we have a champion worthy of total randomness.

The Group Stages

Since there are so many games, I won’t detail them here.  I’ll list the group winners and second place finishers, and perhaps note some highlight games.

Group	First Place	Second Place
A	Uruguay	Egypt
B	Morocco	Iran
C	Denmark	France
D	Nigeria	Argentina
E	Switzerland	Serbia
F	Germany	Mexico
G	Panama	England
H	Poland	Japan

The host nation got off with a horror start going down 3-1 against Saudi Arabia.  Things went from bad to worse for them.  While the Russians were not pleased, Brazil was revoltingly bad and a coup resulted.  Who knows what the new government will be like.  Group B is what randomness is all about.  Who would have thought Morocco and Iran would get in over Spain and Portugal.  Group F, however, went the way the real tournament will probably go.  Group C might also be realistic.  Belgium, however, was extremely disappointing.

The Round of 16

Uruguay advanced to the quarterfinals with an easy 5-0 win over Iran.  Iran doesn’t care though.  They made the World Cup.  The USA did not.  Anything after that is just a bonus.  Denmark had high hopes after making it out of the group stage, but they received a reality check going down 4-0 to Argentina.  Mexico defeated Switzerland 4-1 while Japan took advantage of an easy opponent with a 4-2 win.  So far the round of 16 games haven’t been that exciting.  That changed though when Morocco, continuing their stunning performance as they topped Group B, had a dramatic 4-3 win over surprising Egypt 4-3.  What a thriller!  France scraped by against Nigeria 1-0 and the French felt more relief than anything else.  Once again the Super Eagles disappoint.  Germany had a clinical 2-0 win over Serbia.  England played Poland in the final Round of 16 game.  Do you even need to know what happened?  It was Poland taking out England 3-2 in extra time.  In this case, England advances as far in the random tournament, as they probably will in the real thing.

Quarterfinals

So far we have some shocking teams in the quarterfinals.  Will Cinderella stay at the ball or will she be thrown out?  Uruguay played Argentina in a match which had all of South America interested.  In a spiteful match which saw four red cards and countless yellow ones, it was Argentina who emerged victorious 1-0.  They were forced, however, to contest the semi-finals without two of their starting players due to the red cards.  Mexico got a gift draw in the quarters and although Japan did manage to score 2 goals,  they were never in it going down 5-2 to the Mexicans.  Morocco was the true Cinderella story in this tournament and Cinderella got to stay at the ball when Morocco stunned France 3-2.  Both sides spoke the same language so all insults were understood by everyone except the referee.  But there was no denying that Morocco is on a random roll.  After Poland defeated England, they were expected to relax and allow Germany an easy passage into the semi-finals.  But Poland had other ideas.  They stunned the Germans 2-0 leaving Argentina as the only real brand name team in the semi-finals.

The Semi finals

Argentina and Mexico was the most anticipated match as the world lamented the fact no one really cares about neither Morocco or Poland, except for Morocco and Poland of course.  Spain threatened to blockade Morocco if they had the audacity to advance into the finals.  Spain put this down to economic concerns but everyone knew they were just jealous of Morocco’s success so far.

Argentina played with two starters out after they were sent off against Uruguay.  And it showed.  The high flying Mexicans were unstoppable as they shocked the world with a 5-3 win to advance into the finals.

And the Spanish blockade is on as Morocco advanced with what turned out to be an exciting 3-2 win over a gallant Poland.  And so, we have Mexico playing Morocco in the Totally Random World Cup.

The 3^rd Place Game

Who cares?  Only FIFA cares.  Even the players for Poland and Argentina could care less.  In front of 23 people, Argentina waited until extra time before scoring the only goal of the match.  Argentina wins 3^rd with a very boring 1-0 win.  Fortunately, only the 23 people in the stadium, and the 67 other people who actually watched the match on TV sat through it.

The Final

The final, however, is always the most watched TV program on earth.  It makes the Super Bowl audience numbers look like a country under 18 football match.  Both teams represented themselves as Cinderella.  Could Mexico finally achieve football happiness after all their abject failures?  Would Morocco continue to stun the world?  Yes they would!  After conceding the first goal, Morocco showed the attacking style and skill that got them to the finals, scoring 3 second half goals to sail into history. 

Morocco are the 2018 World Cup champions.  Donald Trump has promised to help Morocco lift the Spanish blockade as soon as he finds out where Morocco is on the map.  Meantime, the Moroccan people are partying in the streets caring little about the war ships at their border.  Come on Spain, you won the real thing in 2010.  Be gracious and grateful for that, and also for the fact Portugal didn’t get out of the group stages either.