The 2021 Totally Random AFL Finals

 The 2021 Totally Random AFL Finals

Hello again.  It is the time you’ve all been waiting for, the Totally Random AFL Finals.  The advantage Totally Random has over the real thing is that you actually don’t need to play any games, meaning you eliminate the risk of spreading Covid-19.  And because most games these days are played in front of no fans, the drawback of having no fans at Totally Random games is not as huge a drawback as it would normally be.  Sadly, my Tigers are not in either the Random or the Real version of the finals, but after winning three out of the last four premierships, this does not hurt as much as it has in the past.

For those not familiar with this, the winners and losers are decided completely at random.  Home field (not that this matters much this year), merit, form, and strength of team, has nothing to do with the results.  I run this once at a designated time, and let the chips, or in this case, cyber-dice, fall where they may.

The First Round

This year’s Totally Random Finals was kind of a fizzer to be honest.  There was only one close game.  The rest were all one-sided massacres.

The Finals began with the second qualifying final between (2) Port Adelaide and (3) Geelong.  The Cats did what they have done year after year.  They lost their first finals match and needed to take advantage of their double chance.  The Power went on a scoring frenzy to win 161-93.  This was probably due to the fact the Power have the only legitimate home game of the round.

The next day the Swans destroyed the Giants 150-90.  I hope that doesn’t happen in real life because I have money on the Giants to win it all.  The Demons celebrate their return to finals football with a 101 point massacre of the Lions to advance straight to the Preliminary Final with Port Adelaide being the other team to get a bye next week.  Well, I say next week, but in Totally Random play, there are no weeks.  The finals are over and done with in minutes.

The Bombers ended the Bulldogs late season slump by knocking them out altogether.  The Bombers only won 115-97 which by the standards of this round constitutes a close game.  Bye-bye Bulldogs.

The Second Round

Port Adelaide and Melbourne get a bye. 

We began this round with the sole close match, and what a match this was if you enjoy scoring.  The Cats defeated the Swans by eight points 164-156.  What a game!.  That game was followed by a 96 point Lions blowout of the Bombers though so one great game was followed by a laugher.

Preliminary Finals

Melbourne, who haven’t won a flag since 1964, and who have not been in a Grand Final since 2000, where they lost to an all-time Bombers team, returned to the Grand Final with an easy 146-97 win against the finals-cursed Cats.  Since 2011, they just cannot go all the way.  So close and yet so far. 

Last year in the real world, Port Adelaide lost a home preliminary final heartbreaker by six points against the Tigers.  Well, history repeats itself this time in the Totally Random world but this time, they go down by 21 points in another high scoring game.  The Lions win 142-121.  After the Lions lost by 101 points against Melbourne in the first round of the finals, they have a chance for redemption.

The Grand Final

Melbourne fans have dreamed of this.  The Red and Blue finally win at the MCG in front of 100,000 fans.  The long wait is over.  But the dream gets off to a bad start because the Grand Final is played in, well, who knows where, but it is not the MCG.  But what of the rest of the dream?  You would think that after a 101 point thrashing of the Lions, the Demons have their number.

But in one of the most stunning turn-arounds in sporting history, it is the Brisbane Lions who come away with the premiership cup and wow, do they ever.  They smash the stunned Demons 154-47.  Yes that’s right.  They lost in their first meeting by 101 points, but win by 107 in the Grand Final rematch.  Only in the Totally Random universe is this possible.

So congratulations to the Brisbane Lions.  Your long 19 year wait is over.  As for the Demons, we’re up to 57 years.  You’re not quite up with the Swans 76 year drought, but you’re getting there.