The 2018 Totally Random National Rugby League Finals

Hello again.  It’s that time.  The time some of Australia has been waiting for.  It’s time for the Totally Random NRL finals.  Weather, skill, merit, form or home field play no part here.  Results are completely random.  Well, almost.  Because Rugby League scores mostly consist of even numbers, the algorithm takes that into account when generating a random Rugby League score.  And with that, let the random games begin.

First Round

The fun begins when the Storm take out the South Sydney Rabbitohs.  The Rabbitohs have never beaten the Storm in Melbourne.  Will their luck change in the Random Finals?  But first, what exactly is a rabbitoh anyway?  This team is often referred to as “the bunnies” but actually, a rabbitoh is not a rabbit.  It refers to a person who sells rabbits for food.  We probably don’t actually have those anymore, but that is what they were back in the day.  The Storm have had trouble scoring of late which is a worry in the real world.  In the random world, however, not a problem as the Storm lay the Smack Down on Souths 44-16.  Where did that explosion of points come from?

In the next match the Panthers haven’t had the best form either but they managed to finish in the eight.  The Warriors have 1/10 of New Zealand buzzing and why not as the Warriors knock off the Panthers 32-0.  Wow what a blowout.

And then we get to the Sharks, the team I like the least.  They go up against the minor premiers the Roosters.  The Sharks violated the salary cap so don’t deserve to do well in either the real world or the random one.  My team, the Storm, would never violate the salary cap and the Sharks’ actions are a blight against teams with integrity like the Storm and all the others.  In a scoring marathon, the Roosters survive 48-42. 

The in form Broncos take on the Dragons.  The Broncos look dangerous in the real world but unfortunately for them, this is all random and they bow out of 2018 with a 36-30 loss to the Dragons.

Round 2

In Round 2, the Dragons continue their impressive random tournament smashing the Rabbitohs 40-10.  The Rabbitohs had the double chance and blew both of them.  Will the Dragons do what the Queensland Cowboys did last year and storm into the Grand Final?  We’ll see, but they are in the Preliminary Final this year.

Meanwhile the cheating Sharks just keep on winning, smashing the hopes and dreams of 1/10 of New Zealand 42-22.  Wow these scores are high.  It was that way in the random AFL finals to.  What’s with my algorithm?

The Preliminary Final

A well rested Storm take on their nemesis the Sharks.  I can still feel the pain of the Sharks’ two point Grand Final win against the storm two years ago.  But oh yeah, they were cheating at the time.  I wonder if the NRL will vacate that Grand Final.  Probably not because the Sharks are a NSW team and not a Melbourne one.  In a good hard fought contest indicative of what happens when these two teams play one another, the Storm scores a late try to win 28-22.  Well OK I made that last bit up.  The random score generator says nothing about how or when the points were scored.  The defending premiers are set to defend again.

The Dragons, the Cinderella team of these random finals lay 32 on the top team Roosters.  But unfortunately, the random score generator loves the Roosters and gives them 46 points.  Nice try Dragons but you’ll have to look to next year.

The Grand Final

Isn’t it ironic that with totally random score generation, the top two teams face off in the Grand Final.  Amazing.  The Roosters have a big home field advantage over the team all of New South Wales hates, the might Melbourne Storm.  The two teams finished the season with equal points.  The Roosters got top spot on point differential.  They deserved their spot at the top.  But the minor premiership is the biggest who cares award in Australian sports.  It’s the real thing everyone wants.

In this totally random Grand Final, it is the defending premiers who shine with a comfortable and dominating 32-14 win over the Roosters.  There will be no crowing this year.  The Storm will probably lose two of the greatest players of all time to retirement, so it is fitting they go out on top.  And they do.  Congratulations Melbourne Storm, you are the 2018 Totally Random NRL champions.

NOTE:  The AFL totally random tournament picked my team the Tigers to win.  The NRL random tournament picks my team the Storm to win.  Is there any doctoring going on I hear all Australia ask?  The answer is no.  It really is completely random.  But let’s hope that in both cases, randomness reflects reality.