The 2021 Totally Random AFL Finals
Hello again. It is
the time you’ve all been waiting for, the Totally Random AFL Finals. The advantage Totally Random has over the
real thing is that you actually don’t need to play any games, meaning you
eliminate the risk of spreading Covid-19.
And because most games these days are played in front of no fans, the
drawback of having no fans at Totally Random games is not as huge a drawback as
it would normally be. Sadly, my Tigers are
not in either the Random or the Real version of the finals, but after winning three
out of the last four premierships, this does not hurt as much as it has in the
past.
For those not familiar with this, the winners and losers are
decided completely at random. Home field
(not that this matters much this year), merit, form, and strength of team, has
nothing to do with the results. I run
this once at a designated time, and let the chips, or in this case, cyber-dice,
fall where they may.
The First Round
This year’s Totally Random Finals was kind of a fizzer to be
honest. There was only one close game. The rest were all one-sided massacres.
The Finals began with the second qualifying final between
(2) Port Adelaide and (3) Geelong. The
Cats did what they have done year after year.
They lost their first finals match and needed to take advantage of their
double chance. The Power went on a
scoring frenzy to win 161-93. This was
probably due to the fact the Power have the only legitimate home game of the
round.
The next day the Swans destroyed the Giants 150-90. I hope that doesn’t happen in real life
because I have money on the Giants to win it all. The Demons celebrate their return to finals
football with a 101 point massacre of the Lions to advance straight to the
Preliminary Final with Port Adelaide being the other team to get a bye next
week. Well, I say next week, but in
Totally Random play, there are no weeks.
The finals are over and done with in minutes.
The Bombers ended the Bulldogs late season slump by knocking
them out altogether. The Bombers only
won 115-97 which by the standards of this round constitutes a close game. Bye-bye Bulldogs.
The Second Round
Port Adelaide and Melbourne get a bye.
We began this round with the sole close match, and what a
match this was if you enjoy scoring. The
Cats defeated the Swans by eight points 164-156. What a game!.
That game was followed by a 96 point Lions blowout of the Bombers though
so one great game was followed by a laugher.
Preliminary Finals
Melbourne, who haven’t won a flag since 1964, and who have
not been in a Grand Final since 2000, where they lost to an all-time Bombers
team, returned to the Grand Final with an easy 146-97 win against the
finals-cursed Cats. Since 2011, they
just cannot go all the way. So close and
yet so far.
Last year in the real world, Port Adelaide lost a home
preliminary final heartbreaker by six points against the Tigers. Well, history repeats itself this time in the
Totally Random world but this time, they go down by 21 points in another high
scoring game. The Lions win
142-121. After the Lions lost by 101
points against Melbourne in the first round of the finals, they have a chance
for redemption.
The Grand Final
Melbourne fans have dreamed of this. The Red and Blue finally win at the MCG in
front of 100,000 fans. The long wait is
over. But the dream gets off to a bad
start because the Grand Final is played in, well, who knows where, but it is
not the MCG. But what of the rest of the
dream? You would think that after a 101
point thrashing of the Lions, the Demons have their number.
But in one of the most stunning turn-arounds in sporting
history, it is the Brisbane Lions who come away with the premiership cup and
wow, do they ever. They smash the
stunned Demons 154-47. Yes that’s
right. They lost in their first meeting
by 101 points, but win by 107 in the Grand Final rematch. Only in the Totally Random universe is this
possible.
So congratulations to the Brisbane Lions. Your long 19 year wait is over. As for the Demons, we’re up to 57 years. You’re not quite up with the Swans 76 year
drought, but you’re getting there.
