The Totally Random NFL Playoffs

Totally Random NFL Playoffs 2019-20 Season

It is that time of year again, time for the playoffs everyone is actually interested in, the totally random NFL playoffs.  In these playoffs, merit, home field and injuries have nothing to do with the outcome.  The results here are completely random.

Sadly, the Totally Random Playoffs slipped my mind completely for wild card weekend.  I was focussed on the bushfires that are ravaging Australia.  So this year, we start from the divisional round.

Divisional Round

Kirk Cousins is the new Tom Brady as he leads his Vikings to a massacre of the rested 49ers 46-9.  What a shocking loss for the 49ers who looked so good up to now.  But this loss is nothing compared to the Ravens shock 33-14 loss to the Titans.  There goes the Super Bowl we have all been waiting for.  And the shock losses continue.  The Chiefs, with their high powered offence manages only 3 points against the Texans.  Must have been a random blizzard that hit Kansas City.

But all is not lost for home teams.  The Packers defend their frozen tundra with a 27-18 win over the gallant, but ultimately unsuccessful Seahawks.

Championship Round

The Vikings are unbeatable.  They absolutely ground the Packers into the frozen tundra 45-2 and just to be mean, I’ll say the 2 points they gave up were right at the end of the game when the Vikings backup decided to run the ball out of the end zone to kill the clock.  Why not.

In the AFC, the Home team Texans, who surely never expected a home game, fail to take advantage and the 6 seed Titans defeat the Texans 29-11.  This gives us the Super Bowl paring we all thought would happen at the beginning of the season, the Titans and the Vikings.

The Super Bowl

Both the Vikings and Titans have great defences, but neither shows up in the Super Bowl.  This is like Patriots-Eagles all over again.  The Vikings do what Bud Grant failed to do and the Vikings erase the bad memories of their 0-4 Super Bowl record with a thrilling 44-39 victory over the Titans.  Kirk Cousins is MVP and all the talking heads tell us they knew he could do this all along.

Then in a shock move worthy of WWE, Mike Zimmer, coach of the Vikings, decides to leave the Vikings and coach my Cowboys.  The Cowboys finally get a great coach.

So congratulations to the Vikings for winning the Totally Random Super Bowl, and for the Cowboys for getting Mike Zimmer as their new head coach.  This is so much better than reality isn’t it?