Well it’s 2018 and you know what that means. It is the Totally Random World Cup. No merit, form, or statistical analysis is
taken into consideration. This is
completely random. There is one official
tournament and this time, we have a champion worthy of total randomness.
The Group Stages
Since there are so many games, I won’t detail them
here. I’ll list the group winners and
second place finishers, and perhaps note some highlight games.
|
Group
|
First Place
|
Second Place
|
|
A
|
Uruguay
|
Egypt
|
|
B
|
Morocco
|
Iran
|
|
C
|
Denmark
|
France
|
|
D
|
Nigeria
|
Argentina
|
|
E
|
Switzerland
|
Serbia
|
|
F
|
Germany
|
Mexico
|
|
G
|
Panama
|
England
|
|
H
|
Poland
|
Japan
|
The host nation got off with a horror start going down 3-1
against Saudi Arabia. Things went from
bad to worse for them. While the
Russians were not pleased, Brazil was revoltingly bad and a coup resulted. Who knows what the new government will be
like. Group B is what randomness is all
about. Who would have thought Morocco
and Iran would get in over Spain and Portugal.
Group F, however, went the way the real tournament will probably
go. Group C might also be
realistic. Belgium, however, was
extremely disappointing.
The Round of 16
Uruguay advanced to the quarterfinals with an easy 5-0 win
over Iran. Iran doesn’t care
though. They made the World Cup. The USA did not. Anything after that is just a bonus. Denmark had high hopes after making it out of
the group stage, but they received a reality check going down 4-0 to
Argentina. Mexico defeated Switzerland
4-1 while Japan took advantage of an easy opponent with a 4-2 win. So far the round of 16 games haven’t been
that exciting. That changed though when
Morocco, continuing their stunning performance as they topped Group B, had a
dramatic 4-3 win over surprising Egypt 4-3.
What a thriller! France scraped
by against Nigeria 1-0 and the French felt more relief than anything else. Once again the Super Eagles disappoint. Germany had a clinical 2-0 win over
Serbia. England played Poland in the
final Round of 16 game. Do you even need
to know what happened? It was Poland
taking out England 3-2 in extra time. In
this case, England advances as far in the random tournament, as they probably
will in the real thing.
Quarterfinals
So far we have some shocking teams in the
quarterfinals. Will Cinderella stay at
the ball or will she be thrown out?
Uruguay played Argentina in a match which had all of South America
interested. In a spiteful match which
saw four red cards and countless yellow ones, it was Argentina who emerged
victorious 1-0. They were forced,
however, to contest the semi-finals without two of their starting players due
to the red cards. Mexico got a gift draw
in the quarters and although Japan did manage to score 2 goals, they were never in it going down 5-2 to the
Mexicans. Morocco was the true Cinderella
story in this tournament and Cinderella got to stay at the ball when Morocco
stunned France 3-2. Both sides spoke the
same language so all insults were understood by everyone except the
referee. But there was no denying that
Morocco is on a random roll. After
Poland defeated England, they were expected to relax and allow Germany an easy
passage into the semi-finals. But Poland
had other ideas. They stunned the
Germans 2-0 leaving Argentina as the only real brand name team in the semi-finals.
The Semi finals
Argentina and Mexico was the most anticipated match as the
world lamented the fact no one really cares about neither Morocco or Poland,
except for Morocco and Poland of course.
Spain threatened to blockade Morocco if they had the audacity to advance
into the finals. Spain put this down to
economic concerns but everyone knew they were just jealous of Morocco’s success
so far.
Argentina played with two starters out after they were sent
off against Uruguay. And it showed. The high flying Mexicans were unstoppable as
they shocked the world with a 5-3 win to advance into the finals.
And the Spanish blockade is on as Morocco advanced with what
turned out to be an exciting 3-2 win over a gallant Poland. And so, we have Mexico playing Morocco in the
Totally Random World Cup.
The 3rd Place Game
Who cares? Only FIFA
cares. Even the players for Poland and
Argentina could care less. In front of
23 people, Argentina waited until extra time before scoring the only goal of
the match. Argentina wins 3rd
with a very boring 1-0 win. Fortunately,
only the 23 people in the stadium, and the 67 other people who actually watched
the match on TV sat through it.
The Final
The final, however, is always the most watched TV program on
earth. It makes the Super Bowl audience numbers
look like a country under 18 football match.
Both teams represented themselves as Cinderella. Could Mexico finally achieve football
happiness after all their abject failures?
Would Morocco continue to stun the world? Yes they would! After conceding the first goal, Morocco
showed the attacking style and skill that got them to the finals, scoring 3
second half goals to sail into history.
Morocco are the 2018 World Cup champions. Donald Trump has promised to help Morocco
lift the Spanish blockade as soon as he finds out where Morocco is on the
map. Meantime, the Moroccan people are
partying in the streets caring little about the war ships at their border. Come on Spain, you won the real thing in
2010. Be gracious and grateful for that,
and also for the fact Portugal didn’t get out of the group stages either.
