The 2024-2025 Totally Random NFL Playoffs
Now that the playoffs are set and about to begin, it is time
for the most coveted championship in all of sports, the totally Random
Playoffs. In this tournament, results
are determined purely by random number generation. Home field, injuries, momentum, and talent
have nothing to do with predictions. The
tournament is run once. There are no
mulligans. And here is what happened.
Wild Card Weekend
In the AFC, the Houston Texans once again occupy the oh
well, we have to put a game here playoff slot having the early Saturday
game. Houston is faltering while the
Chargers have all of the momentum. But
none of that matters because this is totally random. The football world is stunned, while football
betters have to be talked down from the ledge as the Texans smash the Chargers
32-13. Up until now, the Chargers have
had a good year, but after this unexpected debacle, we are no longer sure that
is true.
The Steelers and Ravens normally play tough defensive
games. During their last meeting in the
regular season, however, the Ravens poured it on. They have a comfortable 27-18 win in their
third meeting with their archrival.
There are calls for Tomlin to be fired as Pittsburgh coach after going
one and done yet again.
Everyone knows that the Broncos 38-0 win over the Chiefs was
meaningless. The Broncos are not that
good, and the Chiefs did not care about the outcome. But that was the wrong narrative because the
Broncos morphed into a superpower. This
stuns the Bills as the Broncos roll into Buffalo and demolish the home team
Bills 43-6. More betters need to be
talked down from the ledge.
If you thought the AFC experience chaos, that is nothing
compared to what happened in the NFC. The
Green Bay Packers limit the high-powered Eagles offense to 3 points. The high-powered Eagles defense gets a
safety, and that is it. Meanwhile, the Packers
only score one touchdown but add three field goals to their total making the
final outcome a shocking 16-5. The ledge
is getting overcrowded now.
When the Commanders upset the buccaneers 35-26, America is
at serious risk of another Great Depression because of huge economic
losses. Elon Musk is toppled from
World’s richest Man status as the Vegas books rise above him.
In their finale against the Lions, the Vikings only managed
field goals. This continues against the
Rams. The Vikings can only manage 12
points. However, their defense stuffs
the rams holding them to one touchdown.
The final is 12-7 Vikings. Chaos
has now descended on America.
The Divisional round
A staggering America returns to normal as the Chiefs take
care of the Broncos 43-29. With the
Chiefs running out the clock in the 4th quarter, the TV audience is
kept interested with many shots of Taylor Swift enjoying the game.
The Texans and Ravens game is nerve wracking affair for both
sets of fans. It looks like Lamar
Jackson will once again falter in the playoffs.
But on the last play of the game, Justin Tucker kicks a 59-yard field
goal to give the Ravens a 16-15 win over the Texans. It appears as if the Ravens hit an iceberg
but survived. Surely, the chiefs will
finish the sinking.
America’s relaxation is only short-lived as the packers nail
the Lions unexpectedly 38-29. This
causes Michigan to go under. The
American auto industry comes to a grinding halt because of mass deep depression
in the state and everyone knows the next set of economic data will show that
America is in recession.
Making the situation worse is that Lions fans cannot take
solace in the Vikings 13-3 win over the Commanders because the NFC Championship
game will consist of their two most hated teams: The Packers and the Vikings.
Conference Championships
The Ravens have been living under a playoff curse. They look great during the regular season but
then die in the playoffs, and the Chiefs have been responsible for much of
Ravens Nation agony. But not this
time. In a thrilling game in which
Derrick Henry runs for 178 yards and Lamar Jackson throughs for 327, the Ravens
go into the 4th quarter leading 40-10. But then the Chiefs comeback and scare the
daylights out of the Ravens. But it is
too little, too late. Ravens 40, Chiefs
30.
In the NFC, as economic darkness sweeps America, the Vikings
are once again held without a touchdown.
So are the Packers. It’s just
that the Packers kick six field goals, while the Vikings only kick four. The Packers win 16-12.
The Super Bowl
America is excited at the prospect of Lamar Jackson against
Jordan Love, of Derrick Henry against Josh Jacobs. We all convince ourselves this will be an
all-time super bowl. It is played in New
Orleans so weather will not be a factor.
But neither offense can do much of anything. Penalties and mistakes turn the game into one
of the worst Super Bowls ever, unless you are a Green Bay packers fan, because
the Packers emerge with a 6-3 shootout win over the Ravens. How could that happen? Football analysts will discuss this for years
to come without finding any answers.
But Packers fans do not care. They were the 7th seed in the NFC
and exercised all their 2024 demons by defeating all those who defeated them to
become the Totally Random Super Bowl Champions for the 2024 season. Congratulations to the Packers. Now, thanks to this tournament, their fans
won’t feel bad when the Eagles bounce them in the real wild card weekend.
In the Real World
As for the real world, I want someone who hasn’t won it
before and in order of most super bowl pain.
So, my order is as follows.
1.
Buffalo Bills
2.
Minnesota Vikings
3.
Detroit Lions
4.
Los Angeles Chargers
5.
Houston Texans
Let the real playoffs begin!
