Totally Random Euro2020
Finally after a five year wait, the European Football (that’s
soccer) championships have arrived. They
were supposed to happen last year but were postponed because of Covid. The European Championships is a tournament in
which Cinderella sometimes wins. We had
Denmark coming out of nowhere to win it in 1992, and they were a late entry to
the tournament. The 2004 tournament gave
us Greece as champions, something no one, including Greece, saw coming. And while it is usually the wicked
stepsisters who win big sports tournaments, let’s see what happens this time.
Also five years in the making, is the Totally Random
European Championships. Yes it has been
five long years since the last Totally Random European Championships were held,
but at long last, it happened. In the
Totally Random universe, form, quality of players, quality of coaching, and
home field advantage has absolutely no bearing on the result. We choose a designated run, and let the
random number generator work everything out.
In the random world, Cinderella is on equal footing with the wicked
stepsisters.
Group Stage
The group stage produced very few dull games. Hungary, Scotland, and Switzerland were the
surprises of the tournament. They had
their ups and downs, but they forged through.
Germany was particularly disappointing finishing at the bottom of the
Group of Death, otherwise known as Group F.
England scored a grand total of two goals throughout the group stage,
and that was in a 5-2 loss to the Czech Republic. So out they went. Here were the teams who advanced out of the
group stage. I’ll list the top two teams
in each group, then the third place teams overall who advanced.
From Group A we had Switzerland
and Wales. I suppose you could say Wales
was also a surprise team.
From Group B we had Denmark and Finland.
Group C gave us The Netherlands and Ukraine.
Group D had Scotland and the Czech Republic showing that
anything can happen in the Totally Random universe.
Group E yielded Poland and Spain.
Group F had France topping the group with Hungary surprising
everyone as they advanced.
The third place teams who advanced were: Belgium, Austria, Portugal and Italy.
The Round of 16
The round of 16 gave us a lot of good games, but a lot of long
ones too since four went to extra time or penalties. The Czech Republic defeated Spain in an
instant classic 5-4. Meanwhile in a
shocking result, Austria blew France away 5-1.
Switzerland defeated Ukraine 4-3 in extra time, while Denmark finally
put the Italians out of their misery 4-1.
Wales had a nice tournament, but it ended 4-1 at the hands of
Finland. That is the Wales we all
expected. Meanwhile Poland defeated The
Netherlands 3-2 in penalties. What a
game. It was tied 5-5 after extra
time. You want goals, you had plenty in
that game. Hungary continued to shock
the world ending Scotland’s hopes for a happy ever after with a 5-0
drubbing. And finally, Belgium finally
got it’s act together with a 4-2 win over Poland. Well, not really. That was a 4-2 win in penalties. Belgium survived after being a third place
team which advanced, but they just don’t look right.
Quarterfinals
After winning an instant classic against Spain, the Czech
Republic advanced after winning another instant classic as they eliminated
Austria 4-3. Wow they play exciting
games. Switzerland continued their
amazing run with a somewhat dull 1-0 win over Denmark, but when you are in the
quarterfinals of the European Championships, you’ll take 1-0 anytime. After all, Greece won with a string of 1-0
games in 2004. Could Switzerland be the
next Greece? Portugal defeated Finland
5-4 in a very entertaining game, unless you like defence. There wasn’t much in this game. In the last quarterfinal, all good things
must come to an end, and Hungary’s Cinderella story came to a crashing halt in
heartbreaking fashion 4-3 at the hands of Belgium who just keep on surviving
even though they aren’t playing well.
And you would have to favor Belgium at this point wouldn’t you?
Semi-finals
Exhausted by all their thrillers, the Czech Republic were
stunned by Switzerland 3-1. OK, it wasn’t
a 1-0 win, but Switzerland really might be the next Greece. They are in the final. In the other fixture, Portugal finally got
rid of Belgium 5-2. What Portugal failed
to do on home soil in 2004, they might do on foreign soil in 2021.
The Final
Sales of Swiss watches have gone through the roof as the world
gets behind the Helvetians. And besides,
does anyone actually want Portugal to win?
They were a third place team after all.
You have to hand it to them though.
They might have stumbled their way past the group stage, but Portugal
hit their stride when it counted.
In a pulsating game that went back and forth, it was
Cinderella Switzerland who emerged victorious with a 4-3 win after the game
went into extra time. The Cantons are
rejoicing. Switzerland is the Totally
Random Euro2020 Cinderella winner.
Congratulations.
And now, let the real tournament begin!
